So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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