don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
