If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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