My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
