I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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