Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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