I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
