I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
