we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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