It's Friday. Sex?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
