Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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