Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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