I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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