what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
