i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
