I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
