I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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