I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
