GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
