y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
