I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
one might say we're banned from that church
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
