just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
