I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
