question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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