Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
