hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
