I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
