If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
