i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
