So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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