I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
