Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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