Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
