I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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