she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
