That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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