I wish my penis had an off switch
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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