Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
