Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
