i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Drunk is a universal language darling
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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