She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
