hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
