I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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