so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
