the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
