I'm gonna have a badass scar
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
