im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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