Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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