Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
