Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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